Giants

Nearly two & a half years ago I was a freshman in college.
Nothing (and I mean nothing) is the same as it was at that time. And finally,
Nearly two & a half years later
I feel happiness when I look back on that year.

Now, don't view me dramatic, but freshman year changed my entire life. Everything about it. Nothing is the same, and what a beautiful blessing that is. Freshman year I was a mess - a girly mess with a boy mess & a Jesus mess with a pride mess all in the mix. I used to look at my freshman year as just one, huge, crap of a mess. If last year you had asked me how my freshman year was, I would have had nothing good to say about it, besides maybe my high school basketball bod still intact.
But if you asked me now, I would say freshman year was the most beautiful year of my life.
Why?
Because I grew.
In going back to school sophomore year, I remember continuously saying:
I'm not ready to face these giants.
I'm not ready to face these giants.
I'm not ready to face these giants.
Now, I shake the giants limp hand in thanks & walk away from the mess I left him in. All of them.
To face a giant meant to face the reality that something in my life needed to change. It wouldn't be easy on the eyes, as I watched my world, as I knew it, crash into nothing. It wouldn't be easy on the hands, as I faced every giant with fists hanging weak. And it wouldn't be easy on the heart, as it broke like a shattered water glass to the floor.
I may be talking about myself here, but mostly I'm talking about the Lord.
He watched on as I crashed my world into something unrecognizable. He fought every giant with His own fists as mine were unable. And, most of all, his heart broke all over as he watched me shatter my own.
But I know he was busy doing something else as well: writing the chapter of my book called "Finally."
It's been a long time coming, and though I feel I am just touching the crest of living out this chapter that He started two and a half years ago, I know that he's written past this dark time. This time where change became the decision & regret became the option.

I chose change.